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[TCHB-019] A Certain Man's Secret Record 05

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TCHB-019

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Life doesn't always go smoothly. It's been a while since I started handling and selling dangerous videos from an unknown uncle, and while my savings have increased, my spirit has worn down, losing the meaning of living. Even if I earn money, I don't know how to use it to enrich my life, except perhaps adding a salad to a bowl of gyudon to pretend to care about my health. Even if I became a millionaire, I can't even imagine doing things rich people do in movies, like cruising in the Caribbean. With my lack of culture, no matter how much money I have, I can only think of wasting it by opening bottles of champagne I can't appreciate at cabarets or tipping slightly cuter-than-average streamers. Someone once said that living within your means is the secret to enriching your life, but I know that the suffering of those who come into large sums beyond their capacity is nothing but luxury. I understand that if I consult online forums, I'll only get low-level responses like "give it to me" or "donate." I've thought about using money to alleviate the guilt of being complicit in the uncle's crime, but since the victims don't even have the memories of being objectified, it would be inappropriate to pay them compensation. The best I can do is contribute to their sales by being a customer or giving tips, but even that requires stalking-like behavior to find them, which feels creepy. Ultimately, I can only watch silently. Sometimes, I get tired of living with these inner conflicts, but I have to convince myself that life is full of contradictions. In this shitty world where imitators of the uncle are increasing, I think I'm not that bad. The uncle said, "Those who imitate criminals are the real bottom-feeders," and "I'd deport all those who copy without effort to a certain country." That doesn't involve me, but I wonder how those who take the easy way to make money would spend it. Probably just as pathetically as I would. In that sense, I'm no different from them. But I'm aware of it. I know I'm a miserable piece of trash. The current four are irresistible. They must be working in a Ginza club, strong-willed women. One dresses to completely hide her charm, a busty woman with a hidden waistline. Another, either due to past experiences or excessive self-awareness, contrasts with the blonde who uses her body as a weapon to the fullest. These two are well-matched. And then there's the incredibly cute girl, probably a reader model. I have no idea how to get to know, date, and have sex with such a girl. Yet, because she's out of reach, I want to ruin her. Despite despising the uncle's brutal acts, I always get an erection just thinking about them. I shouldn't have such desires, but hidden urges are stirred. I want as many people as possible to see these videos, yet I also hope they don't spread too much because it would definitely lead to trouble.

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